Just a little Rant...

Today my mom came home for lunch and told me she had stopped by the Bishop's dental office to work out payment for Ralph's extractions he had done a week ago. Well, needless to say the bishop wouldn't take her money and said that he was going to use it as a tax write off or Ralph and I needed to pay the bill.

Firstly, I didn't ask him for his charity. I just asked him to work with us in our situation because Ralph really needs dental care. Soon I will have my baby and the options of where I can apply for a job significantly open. I will be able to apply anywhere because I'll be able to stand on my feet for long periods of time again and I won't be sick anymore.

Well that doesn't even begin to cover what he told my mom. He told her about how when he and his wife got married that they had $13 in their bank account and rent was due and that he turned to his father for help and his father told him to get a job. The bishop then told his father that he had a job so his father told him to make his wife get a job. Well the bishop then said, they made it work. He was basically telling my mom that Ralph and I needed to get jobs and make it work.

I am so sick of people offering their stupid, ignorant opinions on Ralph and me. I want to be clear on this subject. I want people to know our situation.

I want to make it clear that we are not mooching off of my mom. I have kept meticulous records of every dime my mom has spent on my husband and me. I don't intend for this to be charity but a loan and I don't care if it takes the rest or our lives to pay off but we WILL pay back every penny of this to my mom. She expects us to. She isn't doing this as charity either.

I also want to make it clear that if I could work I would. The next person that tells me to get a job better have one waiting for me. By the time I moved to Oregon I had already applied for 5 jobs and after I got here I applied for countless more jobs. I did not receive one phone call regarding an interview. By the time I did receive a call, it was the end of March and the job offer was for a temporary position that went from the middle of April until the end of the school year. I had to decline because obviously I would not be able to do that since I am due in the middle of that time period.

As for my husband, he is unable to work because it would be ILLEGAL for him to work. I believe in keeping the laws of this country and so does my family. So, until he gets authorization to work from the government he won't be getting a job.

So now that you all know our sad little story you can now judge us. However, we are doing the best we can with what has been given to us. I feel like a failure because I am unable to provide for my family. My husband can't even feel like a man because he can't provide for his family. In his culture you aren't a man if you can't provide for your family. I don't know what to do. If you have a solution, please let me know. I feel hopeless. I feel homeless, I feel like a bad mother already because I have to rely on others to fulfill the needs of my child.

As for my child, people have told me that we should have waited to get pregnant. Let's clear that up too. Birth control doesn't always work. For us it failed. Obviously a higher power has a reason for us to have this child now. I don't know what that reason is but I am grateful everyday that I am even able to bring a child into this world.

We are not down and out but we are survivors because we keep our heads held high. We keep our spirits up and we keep our faith in the Lord. He has provided for us in many ways and he will continue to bless us and provide for us. I know that without a shadow of doubt.

Please don't judge us. Have some compassion for us. Pray for us. Like I said, we are just trying to do the best we can with what we have been given. Things don't always go according to your plan but at the end of this trial, Ralph and I will come out stronger as a couple and we will know that we can make it through anything. How many couples get to go through a trial that tests their faith so early in their marriage? Not many. For this trial, I am truly grateful.